Jokes! (pathetic entry, i know)

1) So there's this truck driver with a particular distaste for lawyers. In fact, whenever he sees a lawyer at the side of the road, he swerves, without thinking about it, and smashes him into lo-carb jell-o. So, one day, the truck driver's driving along and sees this priest at the side of the road, thumb extended. The truck driver muses, and decides that it would really be a good thing to pick up the holy man, so he lets him in.

They go down the road for about half an hour, exchanging little chit chat, and the truck driver gets a little spaced out. All of a sudden, the truck driver sees a lawyer at the side of the road, and starts to swerve and hit the lawyer.

Just before he does, he remembers that he's got the priest in the cab with him, and gets nervous (you can't go killing lawyers with a priest in your cab!) so he, at the last minute, dodges a little to the left so as to let the lawyer live. Nevertheless, the truck driver hears 'thunk'. He panics, realizing that his corrective measure to avoid the lawyer failed.

He starts to apologize to the priest, 'Father, I'm sorry, I thought I just barely missed the lawyer...' but the priest cuts him off, 'It's okay -- I got him with the door.'

2) A priest and a rabbi get in a car crash, and both get out to apologize. The rabbi says, “It’s obvious that God wanted us to meet, and we should toast this occasion with a drink—” He pulls out a bottle, and explains, “It miraculously survived the crash.” The priest takes a big drink, and hands it back to the rabbi, who promptly corks it. The priest asks in surprise, “Aren’t you going to have any?” “Not until after the cops come!”

3) Mrs. Lee is discussing her boy Harry with Mrs. Detroit next door. Mrs. Detroit says pridefully, “And every Wednesday, he goes to a psychiatrist, for three hours a session.” Mrs. Lee replies, with some surprise, “Is that a good thing?” Mrs. Detroit says, “Of course—all he talks about is me!”